today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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