So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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