Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
