Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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