The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
