I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
