My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
