Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i out mim tonsoeep
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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