Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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