I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
