i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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