ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
