I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
