I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
