I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
