I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
