I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
cat food counts as protein by the way
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
