why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
