So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
