is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
