oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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