the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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