I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
