Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
