I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
