How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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