I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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