so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
