two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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