I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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