And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
