Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
