Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
