The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
