based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
