Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
