He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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