Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
