i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
