someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
