yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well I just put wine in my tea
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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