Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
