Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't notice because vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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