Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
