we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A bitchslap is in order.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
