Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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