If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
