Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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