He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
