I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
