The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
