I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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