You made me cry and you don't even care
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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